Tips for handling Bullying

Sean Brotherson, a family science specialist with the North Dakota State University Extension Service, shares some specific advice on bullying: 

What is it?
Typically, aggression can be divided into four categories:

• Physical. “It can range from being in somebody’s personal space in an aggressive kind of manner to somebody putting their hands on someone,” he explains.

• Verbal. Any language intended to be aggressive, threatening, intimidating or frightening is bullying.

• Relational. “Relational aggression is more covert kind of behavior,” he says, like undermining someone, hurting someone’s reputation by gossiping or excluding someone.

• Cyberbullying. A rising trend, cyberbullies use technology to treat others aggressively. 

What to do
Parents should explore negative reactions, mood changes or avoidance issues with their children, Brotherson suggests.

“Those are some of the signals that you watch for that something may have occurred in their environment. If you check into it closely, you may discover they may have experienced something,” he says.

If a specific complaint of bullying is aired, ask who, where, what, when, why and how. Find out if it’s a continuous pattern or a one-time incident. Ask if anyone witnessed the bullying and how they reacted.

“Find out as much as you can because some of the patterns on how to respond are based on the context and a case-by-case basis,” he says.

Brotherson says parents should approach teachers and counselors and encourage schools to create a no-tolerance attitude. Ask that more adults be present where bullying occurs. Most schools report that bullying disappears when areas such as playgrounds and bathrooms are properly monitored.

Children should stick with friends, and be defenders of each other. They should also report bullying to an adult.

If your own child is bullying, intervene by asking the child to apologize, be accountable and implement a no-tolerance policy.

Schmeling offers this advice to parents:
• Be supportive of your child
• Seek help in keeping your child safe
• Share evidence with the school and/or police department
• Educate your child as to how to respond if a bullying situation should arise
• Advise you child to stay with a friend, since there is safety in numbers
• Instruct your child to use a cell phone to call 911 if they are in danger
• Understand the law and instruct your child accordingly

Where to turn:
• Visit with your local school counselor for more resources.
• Contact a local Parent Resource Center: Devils Lake Parent Resource Center (701) 662-6500
• West Dakota Parent & Family Resource Center, Dickinson (701) 456-0007
• Fargo Parenting Resource Center (701) 241-5937
• Grand Forks Parenting Resource Center (701) 787-4079
• Mandan Parenting Resource Center (701) 667-3348
• Valley City Parenting Resource Center (701) 845-8528
• Williston Parenting Resource Center (701) 572-5863

 More resources to address bullying among children include:
• Visit the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Web site at www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids.
 • School lesson plans can be found at www.bced.gov.bc.ca/sco/resourcedocs/bullying.pdf.
• A leader’s guide that accompanies the book, “Goodbye Bullying Machine,” can be found at www.freespirit.com/files/OTHER/GoodbyeBullyMachine_LeadersGde1.pdf.
• Bullying is one of the topics covered at www.kidshealth.org.
• Visit http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies.
• Another resource is www.pacerkidsagainstbullying.org.

These resources were provided by Lori Nelson, the school counselor at Flasher Elementary School, Roosevelt Elementary School in Carson and Elgin/New Leipzig Elementary School. She shares other tips in her newsletter at www.flasher.k12.nd.us/elem/councelor/newsletter.html.